


you, are the most beautiful

by sparklingmini



Category: AB6IX (Band), MXM (Band)
Genre: Depression, Heavy Angst, Kim Donghyun-centric, M/M, Self-Harm, mentions of insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:19:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingmini/pseuds/sparklingmini
Summary: donghyun wants it to end





	you, are the most beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> welcome, this is something i pulled out of my bum at 2:30 in the morning when i should’ve been sleeping. 
> 
> when i wrote this i wasn’t feeling the best and insomnia was hitting me hard, that’s why it exists today. 
> 
> title taken from: 예뻐서 (You’re Beautiful) by 유승우 (Yu Seung Woo)

donghyun wanted to escape his head, find comfort in something, it’s hard, he can’t find it.

he looks at his wrists, damaged, and bandaged. he can’t bear it.

he gets up and checks the time,  _1:51pm._

donghyun decides to go outside. escape his reality.

  
—

  
he sits near the edge of his roof, looking down.  _maybe it’s time donghyun, do it, do it!_

donghyun thinks he shouldn’t of come out here.

  
—

  
youngmin enters donghyun’s home the next morning, he wants to take him out today.

youngmin enters donghyun’s room and sees him still asleep, curled in on himself. he quietly shuts the door and sits on donghyun’s bed.

 _11:43am_  the time says, youngmin hopes that he’s been sleeping through the whole night.

donghyun snaps his head up, youngmin jumping a bit in the process.

“what are you doing here,” donghyun asks quietly, voice still heavy with sleep.

“i wanna take you out today,” he replies.

donghyun just wants to curl in on himself and just die instead.

he says yes for youngmin’s sake.

  
—

  
donghyun returns to his house at 3:37pm, he’s exhausted.

youngmin says goodbye to him and leaves just like that.  _yeah, it’s because he doesn’t want you, no one does, it’s time to end it donghyun._

donghyun escapes to his room.

  
—

  
donghyun awakes at 9:29pm, when did he fall asleep?

all he knows is that he can’t deal with his thoughts today.

he enters his bathroom, he takes off his bandages, he gets out his pocketknife.

he stares at all the cuts.  _try it the other way donghyun, you know you want to._

donghyun cries, he starts sobbing, his body shaking ever so violently.

he cuts again, he watches as the blade runs over other cuts he’s already engraved into his skin, it hurts, it hurts  _so much._

but donghyun can’t stop, just like he can’t stop his thoughts invading his life.

_you’ll be alright, be a big boy, don’t fuck up again._

donghyun cries.

  
—

  
it’s winter, so youngmin doesn’t question his fashion choices, he’s glad.  _no one needs to know how worthless you are donghyun._

the only downside, is youngmin’s over 24/7 now, constantly caring for donghyun, making sure he doesn’t get sick. making sure he’s cared for.

_youngmin doesn’t care, no one does, this is why i told you to end it donghyun! but you never fucking listen, you’re absolutely worthless!_

  
—

  
donghyun stares at youngmin, he doesn’t know what this feeling he feels for him is, but he wants it to stop.

  
—

  
youngmin looks especially nice today, and donghyun can’t help but stare. _stop staring! he’ll find out donghyun._

donghyun whips his head away.

  
—

  
as winter progresses and it becomes spring, it starts getting hotter, donghyun needs to hide his scars better.

it’s slowly getting hotter, but it’s not at the start of the month, so donghyun is safe for a while.

donghyun has to think of something quick.

  
—

  
youngmin’s knocking on donghyun’s door, donghyun can hear it, immediately snapping up from his sleep.

donghyun took his key away from him, telling him that someone more important than him needs it. they both pass it as a joke.

but donghyun doesn’t think he can face youngmin, so he pretends to be asleep, or not home.

donghyun stops hearing the knocking.

  
—

  
why does it hurt so much?

_this means it’s time to end it donghyun. end it!_

he can’t, if not for his own sake, it’s for youngmin’s sake.

  
—

  
youngmin’s at his home again.

donghyun doesn’t know where though, he’s too tired to even lift his head and see where he went.

“donghyun,” he hears youngmin, “do you want to come out with me? you have literally no food in your fridge, or your cupboard.”

donghyun doesn’t say no.

  
—

  
donghyun’s in his bathroom again, applying new bandages. he stares.

_it’s nearly summer again donghyun, it’s time to end it or someone will find out_

donghyun shakes his head.

_you have to do it donghyun, don’t be a fucking pussy._

donghyun shakes his head harder, he can’t.

_if you’re thinking that someone’ll care, no one will! youngmin doesn’t give a fuck about you. daehwi, woojin and woong are just friends with you because youngmin forced them to. don’t get me started on what donghan thinks._

donghyun tears up, the tears overflow.

he cuts.

  
—

  
donghan’s here today.

“how have you been donghyun?” donghan asks gently, “it’s been a while since i’ve been here after all.”

_he doesn’t care donghyun, he’s lying._

“i’m feeling great hyung!” he replies happily, “better now that you’re here.”

“stop it,” he lightly hits donghyun’s shoulder.

donghyun has his first happy day in a while.

  
—

  
it’s 3:46am, donghyun can’t sleep, but what’s the difference from other nights?

he’s supposed to be re-doing his bandages, but he can’t deal with it tonight.

_go up to the roof donghyun, do it._

donghyun follows his thoughts.

as he sits on the roof, he thinks.

_thats right donghyun, if you jumped, no one will care, no one cares about you._

he agrees with his thoughts. it’s fine, it’ll be fine to jump.

‘stop it donghyun,’ he thinks to himself, ‘for your friend’s sakes.’

_your friends don’t care donghyun! i’ve told you a fuck ton of times but you never fucking listen!!_

  
—

  
youngmin figures out, it was only a matter of time, if donghyun’s being honest.

“what is this donghyun?” he forcefully grabs donghyun’s hand and rolls up his jumper.

donghyun struggles to get out of youngmin’s hold.

“don’t try and hide this from me donghyun,” he says, “please tell me what’s wrong..”

donghyun looks down. it’s not his fault.

_yes it is donghyun, don’t act like it’s not._

“p-please let me go,” donghyun begs, “l-leave me alone.”

“i can’t do that donghyun, you know that.”

“y-you can,” he replies, “p-please.”

donghyun starts sobbing, he doesn’t need youngmin knowing anymore than he does.

he can feel youngmin wrapping his hands around him. donghyun pushes out of the hug and runs.

  
—

  
he sits at the beach, headphones in his ears. he listens to the soft sound of ‘still here.’

he can’t help the tears escaping, as he listens to seungwoo sing.

_donghyun! what did i fucking tell you? huh?! end it!!_

he turns his music up higher.

  
—

  
he meets himself upon his roof again, looking down. youngmin’ll surely hate him after this.

_it’s not like he cares._

‘your right,’ he thinks listening to his thoughts, ‘everyone hates you donghyun, jump.’

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that wasn’t too terrible, it’s my first time writing something as deep as that, some of those thoughts i have myself, so i based it off myself a bit. 
> 
> the song i referenced in there was:  
> 너의 나 (Still Here) - 유승우 (Yu Seung Woo)


End file.
